


Frailty

by romulusgloriosus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adult Fear, DEEP SHIT, F/M, Fear of Child Loss, Fear of Parental Loss, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 03:09:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20959475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romulusgloriosus/pseuds/romulusgloriosus
Summary: John and Roxy talk about their newborn son. Takes place during The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy. I wrote this for "Inktober" because I can't draw. The prompt word was "frail." I took a few days off from the challenge and I might do it again at some point but I'm having fun. I hope you're enjoying the stories.





	Frailty

Roxy Lalonde-Egbert stands beside the cradle of her infant son, humming a lullaby to him. A little mobile with the twelve aspects that his Aunt Jade made for him spins above his crib. Inside, the baby gurgles, cuddled up tight in his blankets more like a blob of fat than a human being.

ROXY: lullabye // and goodnite //  
ROXY: go to sleep lil harry anderson //  
ROXY: i dunno // the words to the song  
ROXY: my mom never sang to me she was already dead hundreds of years before i was born lmao //  
JOHN: are you okay, roxy?  
ROXY: yeah im fine b

Roxy sighs as she lowers her hand into the crib and lays a finger on little Harry Anderson’s cheek. John, the baby’s father and Roxy’s husband, comes closer so that he can put an arm around his wife. She leans her head against his shoulder.

ROXY: i just got a lot on my mind i guess  
ROXY: bb stuff  
ROXY: also i guess like mom stuff too  
JOHN: rose?  
ROXY: yeah but not like rose rose  
ROXY: our rose  
ROXY: i mean like my rose  
ROXY: my mom  
ROXY: shed be a grandma now if she were here but its like a billion years later and its never gonna happen  
ROXY: she never even really knew me

There’s a moment’s pause as both of them stare at their child. Roxy turns to look at John and smiles.

ROXY: sry for gettin a little too real  
ROXY: mb its like havin bb hormones or something idk  
JOHN: no its ok...i think about my dad a lot too. like how he’d be a grandpa now....  
JOHN: he’d really love harry anderson. especially his name!  
ROXY: yeah its great its a great name b u did a great job naming him  
ROXY: i thought about naming him dirk at first isnt that stupid lol

The breath catches in John’s throat and he takes a step back. He stares at her with confusion.

JOHN: you never mentioned you wanted to name him dirk. you didn’t mention that once.  
ROXY: didnt i  
ROXY: as i said its kind of stupid lol  
JOHN: but...it’s not stupid, roxy. i would have definitely considered it. i mean, we did get engaged at his funeral, and he was your friend and meant a lot to you. why didn’t you ever bring it up?  
ROXY: idk

Roxy smiles and laughs.

ROXY: cause its stupid i guess lol!  
JOHN: but it isn’t stupid at all!  
ROXY: yeah idk nevermind forget i said anything. i love the name harry anderson and its great and im glad that u picked it b

Roxy suddenly looks concerned.

ROXY: unless you don’t like it anymore  
ROXY: we can change it if u want i no u asked if rose and kanaya wanted to change vriskas name when she was a year old  
ROXY: nows the time lol  
JOHN: no! of course i like it! i just said i love the name harry anderson and that it would mean a lot to my dad! i...

This isn’t the first time that John and Roxy have had a conversation like this during their marriage. John takes a deep breath, trying very hard to calm down and not get worked up over nothing. Roxy acted weird sometimes. It was just something John had to get used to – “having bb hormones” right? Except that she sometimes acted this way even before she was pregnant.

Roxy is staring down at the baby again.

ROXY: is he gonna die u think  
JOHN: what???  
ROXY: not like from anything in particular but like  
ROXY: were immortal u no  
ROXY: cause we did the sburb thing and died and came back  
ROXY: but wat about him  
ROXY: does he get to be immortal too because of sburb or are we gonna outlive him  
JOHN: roxy, this conversation is getting way too heavy way too fast. our child isn’t going to die!  
ROXY: cause were gods and hes our kid? do u no that for a fact john  
JOHN: no! no i dont know it for a fact! but like...jane can just keep healing him, right? keeping him young? i mean, karkat and kanaya aren’t gods either but we don’t worry about them dying!  
ROXY: yea  
ROXY: but karkat and kanaya aren’t my fucking kid lmao

Roxy sheds a tear. She quickly wipes her face and looks away from John. It’s too late, however. John’s already seen it and his heart sinks down to his stomach. He sighs and looks down. Sometimes his – justified? – paranoia can make him act like a real dick. He is being a dick, right? Is he just saying the wrong things? Is this just a Roxy thing, and how can he be there to help her? He’s a husband, and a dad, and he should know what to do to help his wife and child when they need him. That’s what husbands and dads do. For now, however, all he can do is walk over and hug her. She grips onto him as if she’s holding onto him for dear life, though she doesn’t dare cry again. John pats her back.

ROXY: im just so scared john  
ROXY: i lost my mom before  
ROXY: and i no ill never lose her again shes immortal shes fine theres no heroic or just in this world weve made only peace and harmony  
ROXY: but my kid...  
ROXY: the idea of losing harry anderson hurts worse than losing my mom again  
ROXY: and its so much more likely john  
ROXY: i cant stand it

John feels similarly, but it just isn’t something he thinks about. It’s not really something he wants to think about. Why would she think about this? It’s such a grim and terrible thought. Why can’t she just appreciate this new life that they’ve made together, with his cute little mobile and his little squishy face? Why does she have to think about him dying? As he struggles to think of something to say, John pats his wife’s back.

JOHN: i love you, roxy. it’s going to be ok.  
ROXY: u sure  
JOHN: i...i dont know. but we never really know whats going to happen, right? sometimes we can plan, but sometimes we just have to take the choices that are presented to us. and right now we can either think about whether or not our baby is going to die...or we can appreciate how cute and squishy our son is right now.  
ROXY: hes pretty cute and squishy ngl

She laughs and looks down at her child. He has fallen fast asleep to the sound of his parents talking about his inevitable(?) doom.

ROXY: i love this little squish so much  
JOHN: me too.

Roxy gives John a kiss and smiles.

ROXY: thx for talking about this w/ me b  
ROXY: i dont no if i feel much better  
ROXY: dont have any answers or anything  
ROXY: but like at least i no we love this bb so much and were gonna be in this 2getha 4eva rite  
JOHN: thats what marriage is about haha!  
ROXY: yea tru  
ROXY: love u john  
ROXY: lets have another one  
JOHN: What??  
ROXY: jk  
ROXY: unless....  
JOHN: i don’t even know if that’s medically sound!  
ROXY: john lalonde-egbert u are still so fuckin easy to fuck w/ i stg  
JOHN: cant you just be normal?  
ROXY: nah

She kisses him again.

ROXY: but u love me  
JOHN: yeah...haha...

He smiles and kisses her back.

JOHN: i do.


End file.
